HOUSE OF ROBERTS BLOG

One of the best pieces of marriage advice I got from one of Michael’s great Aunts was, don’t start a habit in your home that you’re not willing to do for the rest of your life. I know it seems kind of intense and a downer but she said it in joy with love and wisdom. When she said it, I knew she meant, “Hey there are some things we start in love that aren’t necessarily helpful to the marriage or the family dynamic long term. Things we start in the beginning that seem cute but then 10 years down the road seem not so cute.”

I’ve met with lots of women over the years in ministry and one of the things I have observed is that some of the things that seemed cute in the beginning of marriage and family no longer seem so cute 10-15 years down the road. For example, you used to love that he lets you call the shots and plan all the things you did together, but now you think he should do more, plan more, and speak up more about these things. How about with kids? You used to love taking care of all your kid’s needs, cleaning their rooms, doing their laundry, and taking their dirty plate to the sink, but now that your kids are teenagers you’re frustrated that they don’t offer to help you with anything. And you feel like more of a maid than a mom. I have observed this through the years and have wondered how can we prevent these “habits” or “rhythms” from forming in our family.

See at the core of us all is the same DNA as Christ, we are “Rulers.” Destined to reign and take dominion in the earth to subdue all of creation and tend to it (Genesis 1:28). It was a part of the original intent of our lives when God created us! We are all created to have authority in the earth and lead in the areas assigned to us by God with strength, wisdom, discipline, and power.

Over the years the Lord has called me out so many times about needing to be in control and trying to do too much for my kids. I know that sounds so ridiculous because I know we are to serve one another well and like Christ served us. I truly endeavor and aim to always do this in my days, but I have felt the Lord caution me to not over serve them in ways that take the fight out of them. In ways that try to diminish the “reigning” in their blood, that keeps them from feeling the discomfort or disciplines of life, and that really ultimately leads them deeper into Christ. 

Proverbs 22:6 says, “TRAIN up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” As moms we are called to “TRAIN UP” and this isn’t easy or quick work. I actually call this a “longsuffering” work! This a work that requires time in with them, constant patience, and a teaching spirit. Which for some of us who like things to be in order and done ever so beautifully (my hands up) is a massive sacrifice to our own ways that bring us pleasure. But remember one day that cute way you used to make their lunch ever so beautifully for them every day won’t seem so cute when they are a young adult and they have no skill or desire to make themselves or one-day family something to eat. 

I’ll never forget a couple of years ago the Lord was calling me out MAJOR for this. The girls who are SO HELPFUL would always ask to help me in the kitchen with dinner, or help me clean the house, or make my bed and I would always so sweetly decline their offer but tell them they could sit with me while I did whatever I was doing. I remember the Holy Spirit left and right was telling me “Listen to them, they want to help, that’s ME in them, that’s their RULER in them wanting to be trained, TRAIN THEM!” He would say, “When you tell them no it's taking the hunger out of them. ONE DAY when you want them to ask to help you, they won’t and you will be mad. There will be no one else to blame but YOU, you TRAINED them to not ask!” DAAAAAANG LORD! I wanted to be mad but He was right, and I knew it! I repented and said Lord HELP ME get out of my way of doing things and TRAIN THEM in life to rule and reign in whatever phase they are in. This is a major conviction that rules the way I parent in life now. I’d love to tell you it was an overnight easy change but to be honest, it took a couple of months of me dying to myself to change my ways and habits. However, soon it got easier and became my new normal. It meant their lunches wouldn’t look so perfect, it meant the dishes would be stacked a little less straight in the dishwasher, it meant I may have to go back over the floors because they missed a spot, it meant making dinner would have to be a slower process because it would take them more time measure a spice out, but if the end game is to TRAIN UP then there is no other way. If it is to equip them to RULE in the earth then there is no other way! 

What an HONORED seat of responsibility in the earth right? That we GET TO train up a generation for God in the earth that will rule, reign, and subdue just as they should, just as we are! I am praying for us this week that we would partner with the Holy Spirit to change habits, set new ways, try new things, get out of our way, take the time, and answer the questions necessary to TRAIN up our kids!