HOUSE OF ROBERTS BLOG

I had this conversation with my wife the other day about our firstborn, Ford. She made this comment that she felt like it was important for me to make sure that of all my kids, of which we have four, I am having enough bonding moments with him in particular right now. I started to think about that and I knew that she was right…Shocker. See my firstborn is the one that I butt heads with the most. I love the crap out of that kid; he made me a dad, and I can still remember the first time me and him locked eyes in the hospital room. But he tends to be the one that I have to correct the most right now, and if I’m honest the one that I tend to overreact to the most.

After a deep dive into why that is, I think it is a combination of things. One, he is my firstborn, so whatever he is walking through for the first time, I am fathering for the first time and that makes me feel inadequate more times than I like to admit. So sometimes I react to him, not necessarily because I am mad at him but because I feel uncomfortable and unprepared and so I respond out of my own insecurities. Another reason why we butt heads a lot is because we are just different. When you have multiple kids, you will begin to see that there are some kids that it is easier for you to understand and figure out than others, and the reason for that is there are some who think and see the world more like you and others that think and see it differently than you. Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of ways Ford is like me but there are enough differences where it can trigger me if I’m not careful.

Okay so where am I going with this? In Proverbs 13:22 it says, “Good people leave an inheritance to their grandchildren…” The verse is speaking in terms of wealth, it says that good people store up extra money that can be passed on so that it can be withdrawn at the right time. So how does this relate to me connecting with my kids? I propose that a good dad not only stores up financial capital for his kids but also emotional capital knowing that at times, withdrawals will have to be made. What does an emotional capital withdrawal look like? It’s when you have to correct them, even if it is necessary and you do it the right way, that still pulls on that bank account. When you overact and raise your voice or say something that is not life-giving, you make a withdrawal. When you make a promise but have to go back on it, you’ve made a withdrawal. With that, just like a normal bank account you can overdraw your emotional account, and there are signs that you are beginning to do that. For example, if you make a promise but your kid doesn’t trust it, then you know you’ve overdrawn. Or have you ever just called your kid by his or her name and the first thing that comes out of their mouth is, “I didn’t do it!” And that’s because they just assume that you are going to yell at them about something, and then you know you have overdrawn the account.

But I know you, you’re a good dad, or at least you want to be better at it. So how do we keep making deposits into the emotional bank accounts that we have with each child? That’s where my wife’s advice comes in. You make deposits by the time you spend with your kids and the words that you speak over them. So anytime you have a one-on-one moment with your kid, you are making a deposit. Anytime you speak a life-giving, identity-shaping word over them, you are making a deposit. Anytime you do what you said you would do, even though you're exhausted, you are making a deposit. Listen, you’re not perfect, and neither am I, and that means we are going to make mistakes/withdrawals, so the goal then is to make sure that we are also making deposits as well. 

Take a moment and look at the week ahead of you. Is there any time scheduled when you are just connecting with your kids? Any one-on-one time on the calendar? If not, then schedule some. If your calendar has you coming home late every night this week, change it to come home early. It may not be easy but it is worth it! This week, let’s make some deposits with our kids. You got this!